Building self confidence
By Eduard Christensen
How wonderful it is to see behavioural changes in vulnerable people! Many feel isolated and segregated. They say they have been forgotten, that they are waiting for the government or some person to help them. They suffer because they are dependent and victimized.
It is possible to awaken their potential through training. They will begin to see a different reality, share and participate, and feel sure of themselves. They will be able to appreciate different point of views and get over the fear of presenting their ideas to others.
Through method based group training, in a joyful and relaxed environment, we have been able to strengthen self confidence in hundreds of people. They recognize themselves as “lovable” and their innate abilities flourish. They take part in community service. They feel appreciated and make jokes and laugh. They plan projects together and find it an enriching experience.
It is important to create the environmental and personal conditions that make it possible to enhance self confidence in people. When they are comfortable and motivated, they open up and share their personal experiences.
They receive messages that cheer them up. They switch from a self-image that creates the sense of failure, of despair and of feeling like a victim to one which empowers them to make decisions and hope. This is the essence of a successful training.
Says Dr Enrique Dulanto of Mexico, a specialist on this subject: “Self-esteem is the way each of us loves, respects, feels, has an opinion, thinks and rates himself. Self-esteem is trust and satisfaction with our self. Thus it is a way of loving, valuing and evaluating oneself.”
According to Canadian psychotherapist Nathaniel Branden, the essence of self-esteem is to trust our own mind and know that we deserve to be happy. It is trust in our capacity to think and face challenges, to feel worthy, to have the right to express our needs, to fulfill moral principles and enjoy the results of our efforts.
Self-esteem develops through parent-child relationships. It is affected by how parents show affection, take part in their children’s games, and the interest they show when their children talk to them. Another factor is the school, the child’s relationship with teachers and peers.
Building self esteem
The need for self-esteem drives children to seek an adequate relationship with adults and their peers. They reach pre-adolescence with the self-esteem they have gained from parents and other adults, even accepting tags that are sometimes difficult to give up.
Teenagers realize who they are. They can think abstractly and judge values. They recognize themselves as a unique person. They begin rating and valuing themselves, a long process that will last for the rest of their lives.
Self-esteem now depends on two factors: a subjective one that has to do with how I see and value myself; and an objective one that depends on how others see me and what they think of me.
To develop self-esteem, we must work on self-knowledge. Recognizing our abilities and virtues, as well as limitations and mistakes can lead us to a true acceptance. Everyone has an inner richness but many ignore this because they have never taken the effort to know themselves. They value themselves based on what others think of them.
Self-esteem and image
Everybody has a self-image. Sometimes it may be unreal. If I discover that I don’t like my self-image because it’s unreal, I’ve got three choices:
- I can spend my life grieving, blaming others and feeling unhappy.
- I can attack those who attack me or lock myself in a shell so that no one can hurt me but this will be at the cost of personal and spiritual growth.
- I can destroy this false image and begin building a full and happy life with an authentic self-image.
Self-esteem and self concept
Self-esteem is stable with a positive self-concept, the knowledge gained through reflection and analysis. Low self-esteem comes from poor education, negative myths and traditions, and the lack of a vision of the future, intellectual stimulation and opportunities for social participation.
To feel better about ourselves we must stop thinking that:
I am what is happening to me
I am this way because of the way I had to live
I am full of faults
I have bad luck
Nobody loves me
Nobody supports me
Nobody tolerates me
We must employ the “technique of forgiveness”:
We forgive others
We forgive our bodies
We forgive our past
We forgive our parents
We forgive our life experience
It’s important to count our blessings, to not dwell on frustrating and disgraceful memories. The past is dead. We must accept life and know that we can make it make sense.
Eduard Christensen is a staff member of ICA Chile
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